Loving someone who struggles with addiction can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever walk through. Families often mistake what “help” looks like, and without realising it, end up carrying burdens that don’t belong to them.
Setting yourself on fire for a loved one looks like:Taking on their debts or paying their bills when money is being used for substances
Covering up for their absences, mistakes, or broken commitments
Excusing their behaviour because “they’ve been through so much”
Taking responsibility for their recovery instead of letting them own it
While trauma and deep pain are often at the root of addiction, substances will never heal those wounds. They only distract them for a little while — and the cycle continues. Healing requires courage, healthier coping strategies, and often professional help.
Real support doesn’t mean rescuing. Real support looks like:Encouraging treatment and counselling, even when it’s uncomfortable
Being honest about how their actions affect you, without shaming
Setting healthy boundaries and sticking to them
Supporting their recovery efforts, but not taking over the process
Taking care of your own mental and emotional health along the way
When we confuse enabling with helping, we rob our loved ones of the opportunity to take responsibility for their own healing. True love doesn’t mean losing yourself in their struggle — it means standing strong beside them while allowing them to do the work only they can do.
You can care deeply without carrying it all. You can love without losing yourself. And you can hope for their recovery while protecting your own peace.
Gentle Call to Action: If you’re walking this road, you don’t have to do it alone. Groups like FASN exist to give you support, tools, and encouragement. Just as your loved one deserves help to heal, so do you.
